I’ve been hooked on the TV show “The Profit” for a few seasons now. The show records a driven entrepreneur’s journey as she continues to invest her life and money into her struggling business to make it work - no matter what the costs. This isn’t another get rich fast, enlightening path to self-discovery through a start-up business type of reality show. Like Shark Tank, which basically is a show built around celebrating people “raising money” which does not mean “running a successful business”. What I love about The Profit is that you can see the real PAIN on the business owners’ faces, hear it their voices, and feel the hurt, disappointment, confusion, and fear. To me, THIS is entrepreneurship: the never ending cycle of self doubt, the constant comparison of your startup to others, and the hope of being handed the “I’m proud of you” torch.
From the time they wake up, until the time they go to sleep, entrepreneurs’ minds pound with the never tiring, always drilling questions:
- Am I working too much? Or too little?
- Am I too greedy? Or too generous?
- Is the company outgrowing me, or am I outgrowing the company?
- Is there too little in the bank? Or too much?
- (Yes there is a such thing as too much, if you are under-investing in growth)
- Should I sell, should I ride it out?
- Is so-and-so on my team happy? Or are they looking for a new gig?
- Should I staff in advance assuming they’ll leave? Or wait until they leave and be strapped?
- Should I let person Y go? Or keep them, even though they are good for the business but not for the company culture?
These are the thoughts that pulse in an entrepreneur's’ mind, every year of EVERY. SINGLE. DAY
I recently read the post, Why I left my $254,895 PM Role at Microsoft. It gave the vibe of every other “break-away from the corporate grind” to find self-discovery posts that I’ve read before. But I feel like for every 100 self-discovery posts, there is maybe one, true self-discovery. In all honesty - that’s a reminder that entrepreneurship sucks. It’s tough. Its posts like, “how quitting my corporate job for my startup dream f*cked my life up” that depict the more raw, turbulent challenges an entrepreneur faces every day his business is running.
The common belief that running your own business gives you time to do things on your own time was a farce for me. Back when I had my corporate gig, every Friday in the summer I’d take half of a vacation day and drive down early to the Jersey Shore, the good one, not the MTV one. I’d avoid all of the traffic and arrive at the beach before it was crowded. I’d make it to my “shore house” before my 15 roommates showed up. It was great! The following year, I started SEER; I can confidently say that my relaxing, care-free beach weekends never happened again. Starting my own business meant I missed a lot of Fridays with my friends down the beach,I was often the LAST guy down,and scrambled to find a bed. It meant I took a tablet or laptop to the beach instead of a book.
It was then that I had an “oh shit moment.” Yes, working for someone else has a whole crapton of negatives - but there was also a large positive: vacation days, the ability to get to see my friends, chances to let my guard down, and opportunities to fully relax.
The biggest casualty of entrepreneurship is time and open “headspace”. With all of the pros of what this company has provided for me and wife, it comes with an additional heavy weight - lack of free time on weekends or a clear head most days. It’s not that I spend less time with my wife, Nora, my dog Coltrane, or my new son Rio. The change is that now I have placed such a high priority on our time together - I’ve had to become ridiculously stingy with the other people in my life who want my time outside of work. People at this point must be confused, thinking I’m the most social, anti-social guy they’ve ever met. There are so few days where I am not needed or wanted - that every time there is a weekend event, family gathering, wedding, or cocktail party - I kind of hate going because it takes time away from my wife, son and dog. The free time I have on weekends I spend, learning, laughing, or trying to find a sliver of time with my GOOD friends.
That is sad, but it’s part of my first casualty of entrepreneurship. More casualties will come; they have a habit of rearing their heads slowly. My wife now drags when she has to book a wedding, because she knows if that weekend is available, I’d much rather sit around and do nothing or kick it with her and my pooch, instead of spending my weekend at a very joyous affair. Its another mandate on my time, which if I had my druthers, would only be spent with VERY close friends and family. Every entrepreneur will have their first casualty. For me, because it’s a high priority to keep time with my wife (which I have kept), but in return, I basically look at every other non-work request as a burden on the little bit of free time I have in which I have headspace to play, read, run, learn something new, and enjoy.
Solving it..
I could make the company more autonomous, but that puts you right back into the cycle.
I could hire more people to get more time back into my life, but this could ding margins big time, maybe even put the company in a long term bad place. Or worse, maybe not get to know the people I work with. Am I too far gone where now every request on a weekend is a burden?
Do I have the $$ in the bank to afford someone who can fill in for me?
Then will I trust them, how long will that take, and what if they don’t work out?
Oh yeah, there it is again, the voices of
fear
self doubt
confusion
worry.
Push
Pull.
Get used to it, entrepreneur. This is what you signed up for and it is awesome, you’ll avoid burnout (I have) by just saying no more and more, and when people give you a hard time about that, ask yourself…am I spending time with the people who matter? If that answer is yes, you are doing the right thing.
ok, one more….if i had to offer any advice, its get in tune with where you get energy, its critical to helping you know what to say yes and no to w/o feeling overwhelmed. For me its spending time with my family, learning new things, doing work I enjoy, and watching people grow. For others, like Nora, time with friends is a big part of how she gets hers, on top of time wirh family, doing meaningful work, etc.
PS my son is literally crying right now (and has been for 5 minutes), so I’m gonna cut this short, where’s my wife to help while I write? Out to dinner with friends, solo. I think I’ll feed him, and take him and the dog for a walk, ahhh that’s a GREAT sunday, time with Just Rio and Coltrane. Nora, hope you come home soon.
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